Beginning

Isn't it true that many beginnings begin without you recognizing them until afterward?

So often for me, beginnings have been made of subtle changes that can only be mentally conglomerated in hindsight.  Sometimes I reflect back and realize, "oh that's when it all started" or "I guess it all began with..."

Why then do we seem to imagine that the grand opening, the brand new day, the shotgun start will be our beginning when we plan for a change?  I, for example, set a goal to start a writing habit.  I planned that January 1 would be the day when I made my first blog entry.  I would sit down and write an inaugural post about the commencement of this new year and this new blog; it would be so crisply fresh with newness!  Day 1, post 1!

You might have noticed that today is January 9.  For eight days, I have cowered away from the Big Deal Beginning.  Actually, it has been almost four years since I have written regularly, so this Big Deal BEGINNING has been not-beginning for quite a while.  Honestly, I am scared of writing again.  As with most worthwhile changes we can make, I am terrified of failing --or worse, of half-failing-- and of not living up to my own or others' expections.  Laziness is also a factor, let's be honest.  I thought a Big Deal Beginning would motivate me to start and hold me accountable despite all this, but it instead made me back up into a corner and close my eyes.

Did you make new year's resolutions?  Did you vow to be more peaceful, more tidy, more patient, more full of vegetables as of January 1?  Did you start that day?  If so, are you still going at 100%?  Do you think you will still be doing x, y, or z in a month?  If you are struggling with your beginning, let me share how I just started mine.  I was sitting on my couch, staring off in the distance wondering what to do next after perusing a cooking magazine.  I got a tiny jolt of motivation to write.  Whoosh!  So instead of giving fear time to sink in, I rushed over to the computer and began typing in this box.   I have no idea if this will end well.

Stop being such a hardass about whatever it is you want to change, is what I say.  Too-great expectations can lead you to paralysis instead of action.   When you think of one miniscule move to make which is aligned with your goal, try it.  I was just reading about this idea in Martha Beck's The Joy Diet.  She suggests looking at your Big Picture with both "eagle vision" to see long term strategy and "mouse vision" to see absolutely no further than what is right in front of your nose.  Whatever your goal is, there is something  the "mousy" you can do in this moment (yes, this one!) to align your day better with your big intention.  Do you want to be a peaceful person?  Wow, that's a wildly unspecific and incredibly daunting goal.  Well, what could you do in this very moment to align your day with that goal?  I bet you could take three slow breaths with your eyes closed.  I bet you could set out everything you need for work tomorrow so you aren't scrambling around like a maniac tomorrow morning.  I bet you could remember a time you felt peaceful and relive it in a thirty second daydream. I bet you could take the quiet backroads instead of subjecting your mood to rush hour on the highway.

Any one of those tiny mousy acts does not make for a glamorous beginning to a newly peaceful lifetime.  But as you complete any of those tiny mousy acts, you are in that moment fulfilling your goal!  You have not only begun, but you are instantly acting in alignment with the change you want.  Instantly!  You were a peaceful person as soon as you closed your eyes and breathed, or whatever mousy action you took.  I am not sure you would have such surprising immediate success if you announced that as of [arbritary date] you would dive feet first into being a peaceful person for the rest of your life.

Fifty minutes ago, the mousy me got up from the couch and began typing in a blank box on my computer screen.  Thus began my new writing habit.  Thus I completed my goal of being a writer.  I feel that these tiny acts of effort are best for goals which are so near our heart that we feel lots of emotion around them.  Find a mousy action to take the smallest mouse-sized step into your goal, feel how great it is to already be the change you desired, and act in another mousy way tomorrow.  Soon you will see from the heights of eagle vision that you have become a changed person, and you may not even be able to remember exactly how it all began.

Comments

[Amy Stribula]

OH MY SOUL! I am so happy to be commenting on this lovely writing! I'm imagining all friends flying around the sky with human faces on eagles, or scurrying around the ground as mice. LOL. Hello mice friends! What are y'all taking mouse steps towards right now?

[Marissa]

I can hear your voice in every word. Now time to think about my eagle vision and mousy moments, and see if any of my beginnings have already started!

[Rachelroams]

I really love this. Fantastic first post, and fantastic post in general! Honest, funny, insightful, and lyrical. Thank you for sharing your wonderful mind!