The second coffee of the day is buzzing through my veins. I am watching the clock, holding my breath. I am imagining the doom which will fall upon me if this work situation turns out badly. There doesn't seem to be enough time. I will look like an idiot if I screw this up. I should have done it differently. I hate this. Ugh, my phone won't stop ringing. I can't handle it all in one day. No, I don't have a minute to show you how to open an email attachment, coworker! My job is on the line here! (reaching for a box of Girl Scout cookies) This is me having a "stressful" day at work.
What's the difference between this scenario and a "busy" day at work? A busy day means I have a lot to do and I'm working at a quick pace to get it all done. For me, a busy day becomes a stressful day once my ego takes charge of it. "If I don't do this well, my boss will think I'm incompetent" or "I need to get this report sent or my client will call my boss and ask her to take me off the account."
Subsequently, "It would be terrible and career-shattering and ego-crushing if my boss thinks I'm incompetent/I'm taken off the account." In other words, the present situation is threatening my sense of identity and my ego is afraid of that. So it pumps cortisol and Thin Mints through my body, day-nightmares about the failure, and conjures up all the emotions associated with the imaginary destruction of life as I know it.
We need [di]stress occasionally. Distress provides us with chemicals to get our body into fight or flight mode, as was necessary for our ancestors when being chased by hungry saber toothed tigers. But our ego tricks our body into thinking that failure to get the monthly financial report out is as life-threatening as being hunted by a fanged and famished feline.
We sure can be gullible. And it's exhausting. I'm sure you have heard plenty of clinical study results confirming that the frequent distress in our modern lifestyles takes a devastating toll on our bodies.
The next time I'm stressed, I'm going to ask: who or what is distressed right now? Is that which I really am going to be affected by whatever the outcome of this situation is? Even assuming this situation results in losing my job, destroying my professional reputation, losing my house and baking dish collection, and living in a box down by the river, I will ask again: is the essence of what I am able to be affected by this external situation? No. (Hint: the answer is always "no.") What I really am has been here all along, in every situation I have experienced. Therefore, there is no need to worry and emit cortisol because of any other situation. Ever. Except for when evading tigers or rival gangs or an anvil falling from the sky.
Of course, my ego and identity won't be very happy with the idea of sleeping under a bridge (which typically isn't a significant possibility in daily stressful situations), so they are fretting over the situation. Let's take control back. Treat your ego like the dunce it is and send it to the corner for time out. Once the ego is not in control, you can use your mind without the fog of distress, which means you will be able to think much more clearly, calmly, and objectively.
Step back when you feel distress, ask what exactly it is that is stressed, and when you find out that it's just your ego being a ninny, tell it that you'll take over from here. You can handle any situation better when you are present, free from worry about an outcome, and working through it without the ego's useless distress.
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